Coaching Grandparents and Caregivers: Extending the Therapy Team

For many families, therapy doesn’t end when the session is over. The real work continues at home, at Grandma’s house, in the carpool line, and during bedtime routines with whoever is caring for your child that day.

When it comes to ABA therapy and autism support, including these important adults in the process can strengthen your child’s progress, reduce stress, and build a true team around your child. Let’s talk about how to coach grandparents and caregivers in ways that feel respectful, collaborative, and doable in everyday life.

Why Involving Grandparents and Caregivers Matters

Extended family and caregivers are often with your child during the moments that matter most for learning:

• mealtimes

• playtime

• transitions

• community outings

• bedtime and morning routines

Research on family caregiving shows that grandparents frequently provide regular, hands-on care. Grandparent-provided child care was the main source of care for nearly 1 in 5 U.S. children under 5 with employed mothers. When these caregivers understand your child’s goals, strategies, and communication style, they can:

• Respond more consistently to behaviors and communication

• Reinforce skills your child is learning in ABA, speech, or other therapies

• Help create a sense of predictability and safety across settings

• Reduce confusion for your child about “what counts” and “what doesn’t”

In other words, when everyone is on the same page, your child doesn’t have to relearn the rules and expectations in every environment. That shared understanding is powerful.

Building Open, Respectful Communication

Coaching grandparents and caregivers starts with communication, not with a list of rules or “dos and don’ts,” but with shared understanding and curiosity.

Here are some ways to set that tone in everyday conversations:

Share the “why,” not just the “what”

Instead of saying:

• “Please don’t give him the iPad when he screams.”

You might say:

• “In therapy we’re working on helping him use words or his communication device when he wants the iPad. When we give it to him after he screams, his brain learns that screaming is the way to get it. Can we try helping him say ‘iPad’ first and then giving it as soon as he asks?”

When grandparents and caregivers understand why a strategy matters, they’re more likely to follow through, even when it’s hard in the moment.

Invite questions and feedback

You might say:

• “I know this is new, and it might feel different from how you raised me. What questions do you have?”

• “Are there parts of this plan that feel hard to do at your house? Let’s problem-solve together.”

This lets caregivers know they’re not being graded. Instead, you’re inviting them into a collaborative partnership, the same approach we use with families at R&R.

Creating Consistency Without Expecting Perfection

One of the biggest gifts grandparents and caregivers can offer is consistency. That doesn’t mean everyone does everything exactly the same way 100% of the time. Instead, think of consistency as a shared foundation: the same basic expectations, the same responses to key behaviors, and the same celebration of progress.

Choose a few “non‑negotiables”

Try picking 2–3 key goals or routines where consistency matters most, such as:

• How you respond to hitting, biting, or other unsafe behaviors

• How your child asks for a favorite item (using words, signs, or a device)

• What the bedtime routine looks like

• How you handle transitions away from screens

Share those priorities with grandparents and caregivers:

• “The most important thing right now is helping her use words or her AAC device to ask for things instead of grabbing.”

• “When he throws toys, we are all working on the same response: we calmly help him pick them up and then show him how to ask for a break.”

Ask your therapy team to help you write this down in a simple, one-page “cheat sheet” that you can share with caregivers. Many families keep a copy on the fridge at home and send another copy to Grandma’s house or the babysitter.

Navigating Generational Differences With Compassion

For many grandparents, today’s approaches to autism, behavior, and mental health may be very different from what they grew up with. It’s common for families to bump into generational differences around:

• Discipline

• Screen time

• Food and feeding

• Sleep routines

• “Good behavior” in public

• Understanding of autism and neurodiversity

Start from shared values

Most grandparents share a similar core desire:

• “I want my grandchild to feel loved, safe, and capable.”

You can build from that common ground:

• “We both want him to feel safe and successful. The strategies we’re using in ABA are designed to help him do that, not to be strict for no reason.”

Acknowledge their experience

Many grandparents raised children without access to today’s understanding of autism, sensory needs, or mental health. A simple acknowledgment can open the door to more productive conversations:

• “You did so much with far fewer resources than we have now.”

• “We know you have a lot of experience—we’d love to blend what you know with what we’re learning from his therapy team.”

This helps caregivers feel respected rather than judged or replaced.

When You Need Support, You Don’t Have to Do It Alone

Coaching grandparents and caregivers can feel like one more job on a very long parenting to‑do list. If you’re feeling stretched thin, you’re not alone, and you’re not failing.

This is where your therapy team can step in and support you. At R&R Collaborative Therapy, we:

• Partner with families to create realistic, family-centered plans

• Help translate clinical strategies into everyday routines

• Support you in navigating sensitive conversations with extended family

• Offer guidance on how to involve siblings, grandparents, and other caregivers in a way that feels sustainable

If you’d like help bringing grandparents or other caregivers into your child’s therapy journey, whether through short training sessions, joint sessions, or simple take-home materials, we’d be honored to be part of that process with you. You can learn more about our ABA, speech and language, and autism support offerings on our services page, or reach out to our team and we’ll connect with you about what might work best for your family.

Together, we can help turn the important adults in your child’s life into confident, compassionate partners in their growth—at home, at Grandma’s, and everywhere in between.